Salut my friends!
Well, today has been eventful. After giving a few close friends my blog URL it's kind of got around and a lot of people have seen this! That's why I've been back through and edited some of my previous posts; cause some of them mentioned names and situations which were... well... embarrassing!
The first thing I'm going to say is please go to my friend's blogs! Yes, these are two of my fairies - Cobweb (mymapoftime.blogspot.com) and Moth (whysoseriousbatsquid.blogspot.com)
Their blogs are seriously amazing so you can go and marvel at their imaginations!
(EDIT: I also said I'd advertise another friend, Oliver, at lifeandtimesofteenager.blogspot.com)
Next thing is to thank everyone who's read my blog so far. Over 50 views after a day! True, I don't know how many of them were me checking to see if it looked alright, but 50 is still an incredible figure!
Third, here's my topic for today: Illness.
Not the most cheerful topic in the world but today, illness has been a big part of my life!
- Two of my fairies were off school with illness
- One of my friends has a brain tumour and I might just cry about it soon
- I've got a cold
- My mum says she doesn't feel well
- My Science teacher has a bad hip so we had a supply teacher
- My Maths teacher was off: again, we had a supply teacher
Really, illness is a big part of everyone's life. To be fair you get used to it after a while - my blocked nose and sore throat just seems normal now. I don't think it affects me very much, apart from adding a packet of tissues to the already heavy weight of my school bag.
Back to the brain tumour, me and Moth were nearly crying over it in Maths because it's just so hard. It makes me wonder; well if me and her are nearly crying about it, how does he feel? How does he feel when he knows he has it, when he knows he has to go and have an operation about it? Does he ever sit and think, I might not be here this time next month - because it's hard to deal with, that type of feeling. It's the worst possible situation that could happen but there's still a slim chance that it will; even though I don't want to think about what will happen if worst does come to worst. I want to sit here and think, well, he's going to get through it and this time next month he's going to be the same boy he always was, just minus a problem. I like to think of the best outcome, because truthfully, I wouldn't be able to live my life happily knowing that he can't be here to live his.
If he ever reads this, and he knows who he is, then I am so, so sorry for what you're going through, and no matter how much you don't want to drag me into this 'crap' as you call it, I'm here to talk whenever you feel like it. I'm always here for you, never forget it, because I always will be.
Well, this is a cheerful post. I'm sorry to bother you all with my problems, but if you don't want to read it then you can just click off. The thing is, this is my life, I can't just use a single click and go and forget it all because this is all affecting how I live.
The brain tumour, it's made me realise, we should treasure each moment because we never know when something's going to happen.
I'm a bit of a hypocrite to be fair - telling you all to treasure each moment and then yet when people are telling me to ask Oberon out, I don't. Maybe I should - maybe I should forget everything and go for it. But then, there's all the what if's - what if he says no? What if he hates me? What if he goes and tells his friends? What if it's just so utterly embarrassing that I have to go and live in a hole for the rest of my life? And the biggest what if of all - what if he says yes?
Then what happens? I've never had a boyfriend before, never been on a date, never had my first kiss, pretty backward for a fourteen year old, yeah? So how do all of these things work? What if it goes wrong?
I guess that's something you have to risk. Because if you truly love someone then it shouldn't matter, it shouldn't matter because they won't mind if you do something wrong.
But it's the anxiety factor really. I go over to speak to him and the nervousness sets in and I'm too shy and I can barely speak to him. And also - what if he doesn't like me?
You're probably all thinking, "well if he doesn't like you then get over it, move on," but to be honest, I can't. You're probably thinking I'm an idiot for pouring my heart out to all you total strangers, stupid for posting this where everyone can read it. But who knows? There might be some sort of relationship guru out there who can help, but then there might not. I'll just have to wait and see - and if nothing happens with Oberon then I guess it was never meant to be. I just don't want to think of that happening because I want something to happen, so badly.
Ending this on a happy note, turns out Oberon wasn't kept in isolation all day so I saw him! Plus I have double French first and second period tomorrow so I get to see him for two whole hours! (This is going to be so embarrassing if anyone from school sees this and posts it on Facebook. No, seriously.)
Love you all!
(Have you guessed my name yet? Here's a clue - it begins with an 'M')
Someone with a cold and a massively complicated life, ugh. xo
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